Author Archives: Darren Schalk

An Awesome Amazon Review From “Anchovies”

Posted on by — 3 Comments ↓

Someone named “Anchovies” posted a review on Amazon for my book “Dear God We Need To Talk.” It was so fantastically humbling I thought I’d share it here on my blog…

The Christmas tree lot is a fitting place to open the first chapter in Dear God We Need to Talk, because author Darren Schalk has one goal in life. He wants to win an argument with his wife. Or with God. Whichever comes first.

Dear God We Need to Talk is a book about one man’s relationship with God, yet it is also a story about the reader’s relationship with God. Schalk is keen to encourage and engage his readers to consider their own relationships not just with God, but with dysfunctional family, Christmas trees, funnel cakes, messy houses, and life. Remember, funnel cake is not necessarily a sin. Just an overindulgence. (Okay, we all know it’s a sin.)

Schalk isn’t the kind of guy to bring Jesus to your door with stern pamphlets and prayers. Instead he brings Jesus through funny, neurotic, and disarming stories that will be amusing and charming to even the most irreverent of readers.

Schalk also does the heavy lifting in his writing, both in his honesty and his faith. He doesn’t shy away from tough subjects. He can’t. He’s lived through them just like the rest of us. He always finds God at the end, even if God has had to pull him through kicking, screaming, and arguing. And that’s okay. Questions are okay. Dear God We Need to Talk is a breath of fresh air in a genre that can be known for its stuffiness.

Schalk’s exploration and questions of life and God are at once open-minded, smart, and grounding. This is an enjoyable read and ultimately an inspiring one. You find his stories funny, his candor refreshing, and you might just find yourself talking with God, too.

Thank you “Anchovies” for this humbling review!

THE PERFECT WOMAN

Posted on by — Leave a reply

The Perfect Woman…

She’s not at all as she is so often portrayed
She is not plastic
She is not overly pulled and stretched by a surgeon’s hands
She is not airbrushed
She is not fake

THE PERFECT WOMAN is REAL

She is beautiful in so many unappreciated ways
She is marked mentally, emotionally, and physically, by life
She carries marks on her belly that show she has born children in pain and in agony, but never without love
She has lines on her face that show she has cared for her children, and her husband, through sickness and restless nights
She bears marks that show she has experienced life to the fullest…lines of sorrow, born of tears, and lines of joy, born of endless laughter

THE PERFECT WOMAN is REAL

She is temperamental at times
She can be high strung
She is bold
She is strong
She worries about little things
She gets stressed out about minor details and surroundings
Housework is her ultimate headache

THE PERFECT WOMAN

Tells me when I’m wrong
She laughs at me when I’m dumb
She doesn’t hesitate to inform me, privately, of my flaws, and she makes me a better man
Yet, she also uplifts me
She supports me in every endeavor I take on
She makes me feel as if there’s nothing I cannot do well
She puts my cape on every morning and tells me to fly
She believes in me
She trusts me
She vocalizes her need for me, and her desire for me
She’s proud of me

THE PERFECT WOMAN

Hurts and feels pain, but…
She comes to me when she’s hurting, and finds comfort in my voice
She finds strength in my arms
She finds excitement in my touch
She teases me
She flirts with me
She makes me desire her (and she knows what she’s doing)

THE PERFECT WOMAN

Gets angry
She argues with me
She disagrees with me
She works with me to make decisions
She has fire in her eyes and passion in her heart
She finds strength from above to forgive me when I’m wrong
She has an inner strength that far outweighs all hurt and pain and sorrow
She amazes me every single day

THE PERFECT WOMAN will

Sit with me at future ball games and cheer on our children
She will yell at the referees louder than I will
She will make a scene when she feels her children are wrongly accused or scorned
She is sometimes quicker to act than think, and often does not regret it

THE PERFECT WOMAN

Is life
She is breath
She is vibrance
She is beauty
She is strength
She is weakness
She is love
She is lust
She is wife
She is mother
She is marked
She is sexual
She is physical
She is emotional
She is fearless
She is fearful

THE PERFECT WOMAN…

is not perfect at all

THE PERFECT WOMAN…

is perfectly imperfect

THE PERFECT WOMAN…

is you.

THANKFUL FOR THE WHIRLWIND

Posted on by — Leave a reply

So, I had all these plans for how I would go about this whole book release thing. I don’t think even one of them has panned out. The last two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of interviews, video recordings, and late nights on the computer.

I have a friend who was published by Tyndale about a year ago, and he told me that he felt immense pressure to market his book and make it go. He hinted that a whirlwind was coming. I’m now experiencing this whirlwind. Add all this book stuff to the endless list of edits that need to be done yesterday for my 9-5 job, and it can be a bit overwhelming.

But I shouldn’t sound as if I’m too downtrodden. I set a goal a few years back to be published by the time I was 35. That goal was achieved this week. And that feels amazing!

I gave my first national radio interview this morning. It felt alright, but I’m sure I can do better. I have another one next week, maybe I’ll be a bit more calm. I like radio interviews. They can be done from home, which means I can sit on my couch and relax while talking. I don’t even have to wear pants if I don’t want to. (But I DID have pants on today, fyi.)

If you’d like, you can listen to it here.

I shared a bit about my journey with my co-workers this week in our chapel service, and I realized as I spoke that there’s nothing better than knowing you’re in God’s perfect will for your life, even when things get hectic. So I’m trying to rest easy even in the midst of the whirlwind, because I know I’m right where God wants me to be.

Wherever you find yourself today, I hope you feel the same way. If you don’t, you can. God has a calling and a purpose for us all. I know I’m called to preach and teach—words are my calling. And I never feel more fulfilled than when God uses me in those giftings. So what has God gifted you to do? Are you using your giftings regularly?

If not, I would encourage you to take a few steps toward your own spiritual goals. There’s no greater feeling than when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re right where God wants you to be.

Even if it’s in the middle of a whirlwind.

Why Millennials Shouldn’t Leave Church

Posted on by — 2 Comments ↓

My post today appears on www.charismamag.com. Here’s a preview:

I recently turned 35. I was raised on Saturday morning cartoons (DuckTales, Shirt Tales, lots of stuff with tales), cordless phones with extendable four-foot antennae, and Pop Rocks and Coke (they don’t kill you!). While I undoubtedly have a place in Generation X, I often share similar views with the millennials, particularly when it comes to all the church stuff. And it grieves me that so many of us have walked away from church.

Everybody has a different response and reason why our generation and those after us are leaving. They typically point to what’s wrong with the church. It’s not enough Jesus. It’s too much Jesus. It’s not enough holiness. It’s too much holiness. It’s not enough justice. It’s too much justice.

I get the concerns with church in general. But I’d like to offer the flip side of this coin: If the church isn’t what we want it to be, it’s not all the church’s fault. At least part of it is our fault. We can’t talk about the church as if it’s some abstract entity disconnected from us. We are the church…. (to read the rest of the article, click here, or simply head over to charismamag.com).

THANKETH YOU! (in the King James Version)

Posted on by — 1 Comment ↓

Thank-you2You know when someone starts speaking in the King James Version, it’s gonna be full of sap. And today I feeleth full of sappeth.

My book, Dear God We Need To Talk, released last week, so it has recently felt as if all eyes are on me (which freaketh me outeth just a little). But I feel like these eyeballs should be fixated elsewhere. First and foremost, to God for opening these doors despite me, and also to all the people who made this happen, I need to say THANKETH YOU.

So many people have intervened to help make this a reality. My publicist, LeAnn Hamby, deserves a HUGE shouteth outeth. She was the first person I ever talked to about my book, in hopes of simply getting some insight into how I might go about finding a publisher. But she liked it so much, she acted as my book agent immediately and found me a publisher. Her faith in the book made all this a reality.

So many others have helped along the way. My boss, Gene Browning, has been a great help to me over the years. Many around our office have helped with things when needed, Kirk Rising even has a page he personally created in the book! And so many others have helped with websites and emails and reviews and all the things that go along with a book. DeWayne Hamby, Renee Rodriguez, Mike Luithle, Abigail Velazquez, Diann Stewart, John and Cathy Payne, Randy Howard, Shaun McKinley, Ed Stetzer, Paul Smith, Lance Colkmire, Richie Hughes, Jeremi and Amy Richardson, Warren Barfield, Nate and Dawniel King, Jeff and Kimmy Jones, the Fletcher family, and soooooo many others have helped in some way or another along the way. All of you and so many more have been a great blessing.

And of course my family members, Kristi, Jake, Abby, and Alli. My brothers Mike, Dustin, and David. Morgan, Mom and Fred, Rick and Martha, and all the extended family. Thanks for the wonderful support (and for being great sports about all my storytelling).

And all the folks at Charisma House who have worked so hard and been so fantastic to work with. I can’t begin to express my gratitude fully. Jevon Bolden, Althea Thompson, Woodley Auguste, Susan Simcox, Leigh Devore, and again, so, so many others! Charisma House has been a true Godsend.

And still there are so many more that I can’t even begin to write all your names, and I hear the band beginning to play over me, so I should stop here. But you definitely know who you are. You’re all very near and dear to our hearts.

All your names, and many others, may not appear in the book necessarily, but your influence is seen on every page.

And in the classic King James dialect:

Thou All Rocketh!

I thanketh all thee, and theneth some.

darren

NEWSFLASH: 2-27-14

Posted on by — Leave a reply

NEWSFLASH: 2-27-14

NEWSFLASHTHE MOST “INTERESTING” AND “IMPORTANT” HEADLINES OF THE DAY

1) NEW HEADSET MIGHT MAKE YOUR DOG TALK
-I think I heard one say “woof, woof”
2) MAN EATS PIZZA EVERY MEAL FOR 25 YEARS
-It does cover all 4 food groups
3) LENO JOINS ARSENIO
-Hello again, 1993. I missed you
4) PROFESSIONAL STUDY SHOWS DOGS HAVE NO SHAME
-I can think of several reasons why this is obvious, but since words paint pictures, I won’t mention them.

5 Reasons I Haven’t Left the Church

Posted on by — Leave a reply

crop headshotMy article today on charismanews.com:

I recently read Frank Viola’s thought-provoking article, “10 Reasons Why I Left the Institutional Church in Search of the Ekklesia,” and for that reason, I suppose I should give a description of what I mean when I say “church.”

When I use the term “church” I mean that thing we do when we sit down with other believers weekly and typically stare at the back of everyone’s head, except one—the orator—whose face we get to see for 30 minutes. (60-90 if you’re Pentecostal or Charismatic like me.)

And since Mr. Viola had 10 reasons and I only have 5, I guess that makes his argument twice as effective as mine.

It’s widely popular to talk about how young adults, from my generation on down, (I’m 35, ouch, that hurts to write) are leaving the church. It’s a mass exodus of immense proportions (is that redundant?). I’ve recently seen many talk about their reasons for walking away from church, so I thought I’d share the other side of the coin: 5 reasons why I haven’t walked away from church. (For the rest of the article, CLICK HERE.)

NEWSFLASH: 2-22-14

Posted on by — Leave a reply

NEWSFLASH: 2/22/14

NEWSFLASHTHE MOST “INTERESTING” AND “IMPORTANT” HEADLINES OF THE DAY

1) New App Lets Babies Take Selfies
-and in a truly unique twist, the app is called “baby selfie”
2) 4 Goats Are Still Trying To Balance On a Piece of Tin
-at least that’s what the Internet keeps telling me
3) Wearing Yellow May Actually Make You Dumber
-it contains a chemical linked to reduced IQ
4) Jenson Button Engaged To Jessica Michibata
-I have never, ever heard of these two, but someone thought it was headline worthy so I’m following suit.

As for the Baby Selfie, my newphew can do it without an app (complete with a photobomb from my son).

James Selfie