My Book Is Dead.

Book OustedMy book is dead.

Well, it’s kind of half-dead.

At least, the title and the release date are both dead. They are changing.

The thing I’ve referred to as “Stuff I Hate About God” or something similar for about 6 years now is changing. Excuse me while I bawl like a baby. It would have more effect if this were real paper. Then you could see all the stains from my tears that are dropping onto my keyboard causing my fingertips to be shocked every time I hit a key. Kick me while I’m down why don’t you.

The book was scheduled to be released in just a few short weeks, but I learned this week that many buyers had an adverse reaction to the title. So my publisher decided to rename it, pushing the release date back to the first week of March 2014. A lot of people really didn’t like us using God and Hate in the same breath. And I totally get that.

So, my book as I’ve known it is dead. Although, not completely dead. It’s just partially dead. “It’s not quite dead yet.” I’ve always wanted to write a zombie book, and I guess I’ve now achieved that goal with my new half dead book. But it will soon find full resurrection.

It’s as if it joined the witness protection program. It’s being assigned a completely new identity to protect it from the title mob, but on the inside it’s still the same awesome book it’s always been. We’ll just have to wait longer to read it.

I’ve had a whirlwind of emotions. I was gearing up for the big release that was getting oh so close, and then it was as if someone grabbed my favorite teddy bear and chopped his head off by telling me I have to wait 7 MORE MONTHS for the release!

Bear Suicide

Headless teddy bears are worse than lost balloons. Add that to the tear-stained shock treatment I’m getting from my keyboard and it’s like my own personal hell. That’s how I picture hell, anyway—a place filled with decapitated teddy bears and shock therapy keyboards.

But, I must say how grateful I am for the team at Passio and Charisma House. They believe in my book enough to actually go back to the drawing board with the title. I don’t know what the new title will be yet, but we’ll have a big reveal soon, I’m sure. They are working hard to make it go.

So, I guess my bear’s head isn’t totally off, it’s just hanging by a thread, upside down and off the shoulder. Come March, he should be fully repaired. I just hope he doesn’t lose too much stuffing in the meantime.

Bear under repair

While I anxiously await March, I’ll keep tapping out blog posts with my zap-me-now keyboard while my nearly headless bear stares at me with his upside down eyes. It’ll be a nice constant reminder of what might have been, but never was, “Stuff I Hate About God.”

At least I’ll forever have all this completely useless book swag to help me through the long days and nights ahead:

1

7

Anybody need a bookmark with the glowing head of yours truly?

Anybody need a bookmark with the glowing head of yours truly?

And now for the picture that says it all…

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But in a few months I’ll have brand new book swag and a brand new book! (Or a brand new book cover, anyway.)

Please feel free to offer alternative book titles or tell any and all dead book jokes that come to mind in the comments. I’ll start:

“Knock, Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Not your book!”
 

Ouch, that’s more painful than funny.

Until March,

darren

21 Replies to “My Book Is Dead.”

  1. See, this is the stuff I hate about people who hate “Stuff I Hate About God.” Here’s a title for you: “Stuff It, Haters, Darren Schalk Is God’s Favorite and God Is Good And He Is Actively Working During This Momentary Interruption—All Things Will Continue to Work Together For Good. Stay Calm and Carry On”

  2. You are sooooooooo funny! (You owe me for that one). We’ll be praying with you that a new title comes directly to your heart from God Himself. All the suggestions in the world are great, but it is God who purposed that book in your heart and it is my prayer that He will complete what He began in you … to perfection.

  3. Sorry to hear about the delay, I understand your frustration! I absolutely loved the title because it is so appropriate. Too bad we still have to fit into the tidy little Christian box as to not offend anyone. My apologies for the bad attitude, but some people need to be offended and wake up! Kudo’s on being bold and saying it like it is! Yes, I would love a collectable glowing head book mark!

  4. March is the best month ever! Great month to release a great book, wIth a title that will forever remain in our hearts “Stuff I Hate About God.”

  5. So sorry to ear about that, Darren. For you and for those of us who are looking forward to reading it. Another 7 month wait must feel agonizing.

    For what it’s worth, I liked the title. It’s provocative, but the artwork kept it from feeling too serious and the subtitle dealt with any uncertainties perfectly. But what do I know? I named my book about small churches after a fictional insect.

    Since you asked for alternative titles – and this is a total guess, not having read the book – my gut reaction was something like “What To Do When You Disagree With God (Hint: He’s Always Right)” or “Arguing With God: Why He’s OK With It and What We Can Learn From It.”

  6. Or…you could get by with God and Hate in this sentence 🙂

    “Love it or Hate it…it’s God’s Way…Not Your Way”

  7. Bro, sorry about the major let down! Bummer! It’s the same feeling you will have when Bama beats UT this year. However, know THIS guy will be anticipating the release of your book even if it had a brown cover with no title! Persist, you shall! Blessings!

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