MY BOOK LIVES! New Title, New Release Date (and my favorite stuffed animal) Revealed!

THE BOOK UPDATE EVERYONE (all 14 of you) HAS BEEN WAITING FOR…

MY BOOK LIVES! (And my teddy bear has a head again.)

Ladies and gentleman, many moons ago I wrote a gut-wrenching, tear-stained post about the death of my highly anticipated (by my Mom and 14 others) book. If you didn’t see it, you can read it here. I wrote about how my favorite teddy bear’s head had been ripped off. (Assuming I actually had a favorite teddy bear, which if I did, I’d never admit. At least, not until the very end of this post.) Continue Reading →

What Is Discipleship?

What does that say? It’s pronounced “di-shipe-uhl-shmip.” I REALLY wanted to make that the name of this entire blog site, but everyone I pitched it to shot me down. I need more humorous friends. They just don’t get it. (If you’re my friend and you’re reading this, I’m NOT talking about you, just everybody else. You have a great sense of humor. I like you. We hate them.)

I think we have a discipleship problem in America, so I’ve decided to dub what we do “dischpleshmip.” At some points we’re close to true discipleship, and at other points, we’re a million miles away.

Continue Reading →

Dear 19-Year-Old-Me,

19 yr old me

Dear 19-year-old-me,

Last night I played softball for the first time in several years. It wasn’t pretty. And a friend who’s only slightly older than me went down hard with a pulled hamstring. I was not so unfortunate, although my hamstrings are screaming at me today. Which reminds me, who decided to call them hamstrings? I always picture a bunch of pigs playing stringed instruments when I hear that word—like a piggy string ensemble.

Today I had to take several headshots for some upcoming events. When I had the chance to review them, I was not pleased. I looked old and chubby. What happened to you, 19-year-old-me? When did these wrinkles around my eyes become so pronounced? When did my gut start poking out? When did hair start growing out of my ears and nose at a breakneck speed? When did I start grunting every time I stand up?

When did YOU become ME? Continue Reading →

The meaning of life FOUND! @zigbonzorpfodder.com

I actually just googled “google.” I was afraid to hit enter for fear that the Internet might implode. Thankfully, I lived to tell the tale. But it got me thinking about the meaning of life, the reason for which I’m sure is 0bvious to both of us (you and me, that is)… Continue Reading →

WHEEL OF FORTUNE, THE COMPLETE SAGA: our contestant audition experience, part deux

Yup, that’s us!

Welcome back to WHEEL WEDNESDAY! (aka Monday.)

On February 15, 2012, my wife and I appeared on Wheel of Fortune during their valentine’s couples’ week. I am writing a detailed account (in parts) for those interested (and because in the months before our show we read as many blogs as possible from former contestants). I plan to post one new part each week for the next few weeks. My original intent was to have a Wheel Wednesday, but I started last Monday, thus, the reason for the first line of this post.

You are about to embark on the second leg of our journey together.

Continue Reading →

Theology By Nightlight

One of the things that bugs me most about theologians is, well, how theological they are, particularly when they try to explain things.

I was putting my 5-year-old daughters (yes, plural, I have identical twin girls) to bed recently and, after prayer time, Abby looked up and, out of the blue, asked, “Daddy, how can God know everything?”

WHOA, where did THAT come from?

led_nightlight_side

How about a neon nightlight?

I tried to flip the neon sign of theology in my head to the on position, and began forming my response: “God’s omnipotence is directly related to his omniscience and omnipresence. The sovereignty of the Godhead over all creation comes from His foreknowledge….” Wait a minute, Darren, that’s not going to work with a five-year-old.

This one needed to be as simple as possible. I couldn’t use the neon light of theology, I needed more of a theological nightlight—simple and subtle. I would not be able to tell her about sovereignty, omniscience, and omnipotence. “Can’t possibly use those terms until at least six-years-old,” I thought to myself.

I fumbled for words.

“Well, baby, uhhh, I guess, he knows everything because… he made everything.”

I was über pleased with my simple but deeply theological response, but Abby was still staring at me blankly. I realized she needed more.

Then… all at once… it happened. The heavens parted and the Spirit descended on me like a dove of intelligence. I heard an angelic choir of a thousand children’s voices singing in perfect 12-part harmony as I relayed this theological nightlight.

“You know how when you draw me a picture, you can tell me every last detail of that picture?”

“uh huh”

“You can do that because you created that picture, and that means you know everything about it, down to the smallest detail. Right?”

“uh huh”

“That’s how God knows everything. He drew it all.”

As I finished speaking, the angelic choir of children’s voices faded into the distance, and then, as they faded, I’m sure I heard a still small voice say, “This is Darren, in whom I am well pleased.”

We seem to think theology is complicated and incomprehensible, but the truth is, we are all theologians, and we theologize (yup, just made that word up) every single day, even when we don’t know it. And when the opportunity presents itself, don’t avoid it; tackle it head on. God will help you.

Otherwise, you may hear that angelic choir singing in falsetto: “It’s too late to theologize, it’s too laaaaaaate.”

And as the picture below illustrates, we can be thankful that God drew it all, and I did not.

 

Thankfully, God drew it all and I did not.

What Is Discipleship?

What does that say? It’s pronounced “di-shipe-uhl-shmip.” I REALLY wanted to make that the name of this entire blog site, but everyone I pitched it to shot me down. I need more humorous friends. They just don’t get it. (If you’re my friend and you’re reading this, I’m NOT talking about you, just everybody else. You have a great sense of humor. I like you. We hate them.)

I think we have a discipleship problem in America, so I’ve decided to dub what we do “dischpleshmip.” At some points we’re close to true discipleship, and at other points, we’re a million miles away.

Continue Reading →