TECH CONFERENCE OUTLINE

(for downloadable documents, click here)

PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR TAMING THE TECH MONSTER

1. Do something Different

2. You don’t have to be a tech expert, just be curious.

3. Determine to give your children the same childhood you had.

4. Ask yourself, “If I had a smartphone at 13, what would I have done with it?”

5. Remove the word “privacy” from your vocabulary (and from theirs).

6. Treat technology and internet access as a privilege, not a right.

7. Make your home face-to-face friendly.

8. Admit to and deal with your own tech addictions.

9. Teach and use technology as a supplement to life, and not as life itself.

10. Reveal the dangers of social media and online interactions.

11. Relay that anything shared with technology is never private and exists forever.

12. Say yes to more so you can say no to some.

13. Create filters for everything, both internal and external.

• EXTERNAL FILTERS
  • You and your wallet.
  • Physical placement of screens and screen use in your home.
  • Each individual device’s settings.
  • Parental control apps.
  • INTERNET FILTERS
    • Some cell phone providers offer filters for mobile data.
    • In-Home Wifi Filtering options:
      • OpenDNS (free and available on most newer routers)
      • Qustodio
      • UnGlue
      • ScreenTime
      • CleanRouter
      • NetNanny
      • Circle with Disney
      • Covenant Eyes (not a filter, but an accountability option that lets someone of your choosing see all of you and/or your child’s browsing history.)

Some of these are one time purchases. Some have monthly fees. Some work on certain operating systems and not on others. Some offer apps for your child’s devices that filter or monitor. But nothing is foolproof. Do your research, make an informed decision, and then GO! If something doesn’t work, make a change!

• BEST OPTION: DEVELOP INTERNAL FILTERS WITHIN YOUR CHILD
  • START and CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
    • Talk about internet dangers
    • Tell them why they won’t have the same access their friends might have
    • Open the birds and the bees conversation early, and make it an ongoing conversation, keeping the lines of communication open at all times.
    • Don’t let someone else, or SOMETHING ELSE (video from a porn provider) shape their sexual identity. YOU SHAPE IT.
• CREATE A FAMILY TECH CONTRACT (for an example, click here)
• MODEL WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE.
• GET AND READ “GOOD PICTURES, BAD PICTURES” with your family TODAY! (or for younger ones, check out GOOD PICTURES, BAD PICTURES JR.)
  

• THROW YOUR PEBBLE.

HELPFUL LINKS

HELPFUL WEBSITES

www.theparentcue.org

www.protectyoungminds.org

www.digitalparenting.com

www.netsmartz.org

www.commonsensemedia.org

www.meetcircle.com

www.educateempowerkids.org

www.over18doc.com/about/

www.techaddiction.ca

INTERNET FILTERS REVIEW

https://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2346997,00.asp

https://www.fatherly.com/gear/net-nanny-hardware-devices/

BEST PARENTAL CONTROL APPS

https://www.pcmag.com/roundup/342731/the-best-parental-control-apps-for-your-phone

HELPFUL ARTICLES

http://theconversation.com/with-teen-mental-health-deteriorating-over-five-years-theres-a-likely-culprit-86996

http://www.modernministryblog.com/five-conversations-you-must-have-with-your-kids-about-social-media/

http://deeprootsathome.com/raising-children-technology/

https://www.babble.com/parenting/raise-your-kids-like-its-1982/

http://www.mymommystyle.com/2017/07/29/21978/

Wowser it’s been a long time since I wrote on this blog! My deepest apologies to all 14 of my loyal fans.

It’s been a crazy few months. We recently held our bi-annual international convention for my church’s worldwide constituency (a lot of big words there) and that pretty much consumed my entire life for several months. This year I had the unique opportunity to host our webcast.

I was a bit freaked out, to be honest, not because I had to wear those earbuds on steroids, but because my default personality mode is always sarcasm. I feared that being in front of our church folk around the world (we had an audience of about 15,000+) would only magnify the potential foot-in-darren’s-mouth scenarios. But, lo and behold, God managed to keep both feet out of my mouth. Although I did so much walking throughout the week that if I could have licked my feet, I probably would have. (My apologies for painting that mental image.) If you’re interested, you can view some of the segments here (of the webcast, not of my feet licking).

But we had a lot of fun throughout the week, and met some very interesting people from around the world. And one very familiar face who made fast friends with my platypus.

Mr. Bush (impersonator) LOVED my pet platypus!

Since that week, many new opportunities have been popping up. I’ve recently become the discipleship pastor at my church, and the chapel pastor at our International Offices—two very big responsibilities that I’m excited about and scared to death of all at the same time. It’s a twisted mix of emotions, like when I watch Property Brothers while staring at that hole in my drywall.

You might be interested to hear that I received an update about my book, Dear God We Need To Talk, from my publisher this week. I was pleasantly surprised at the sales. It’s not on the NY Times Bestseller List or anything, but it’s plugging along. I’ve been hoping and praying that it would simply sell well enough to enable me to keep writing. So far, so good, I think, but be sure you keep buying so I can write another wickedly riveting, uniquely sarcastic, gushingly platypied book.

If you haven’t checked it out yet, it’s on sale at Amazon for only around $8.00 or so. A prime time to snag one! You can read more about it by simply clicking around this blog a bit. But be careful, you never know what you might stumble on. And if you’ve read the book already, I might implore-ask-request-beg that you consider writing an honest(ly awesome and gushing) review on Amazon.

And as always, beware of the platypus.Those uber cute eyes have a way of pulling you into its spell. Just ask W.

One of the things that bugs me most about theologians is, well, how theological they are, particularly when they try to explain things.

I was putting my 5-year-old daughters (yes, plural, I have identical twin girls) to bed recently and, after prayer time, Abby looked up and, out of the blue, asked, “Daddy, how can God know everything?”

WHOA, where did THAT come from?

I tried to flip the neon sign of theology in my head to the on position, and began forming my response: “God’s omnipotence is directly related to his omniscience and omnipresence. The sovereignty of the Godhead over all creation comes from His foreknowledge….” Wait a minute, Darren, that’s not going to work with a five-year-old.

This one needed to be as simple as possible. I couldn’t use the neon light of theology, I needed more of a theological nightlight—simple and subtle. I would not be able to tell her about sovereignty, omniscience, and omnipotence. “Can’t possibly use those terms until at least six-years-old,” I thought to myself.

I fumbled for words.

“Well, baby, uhhh, I guess, he knows everything because… he made everything.”

I was über pleased with my simple but deeply theological response, but Abby was still staring at me blankly. I realized she needed more.

Then… all at once… it happened. The heavens parted and the Spirit descended on me like a dove of intelligence. I heard an angelic choir of a thousand children’s voices singing in perfect 12-part harmony as I relayed this theological nightlight.

“You know how when you draw me a picture, you can tell me every last detail of that picture?”

“uh huh”

“You can do that because you created that picture, and that means you know everything about it, down to the smallest detail. Right?”

“uh huh”

“That’s how God knows everything. He drew it all.”

As I finished speaking, the angelic choir of children’s voices faded into the distance, and then, as they faded, I’m sure I heard a still small voice say, “This is Darren, in whom I am well pleased.”

We seem to think theology is complicated and incomprehensible, but the truth is, we are all theologians, and we theologize (yup, just made that word up) every single day, even when we don’t know it. And when the opportunity presents itself, don’t avoid it; tackle it head on. God will help you.

Otherwise, you may hear that angelic choir singing in falsetto: “It’s too late to theologize, it’s too laaaaaaate.”

And as the picture below illustrates, we can be thankful that God drew it all, and I did not.

Thankfully God drew it all, and I did not.

Feel free to now share your best world drawing.

As I was putting my son to bed recently, he looked up at me from under the covers and asked, “When can we spend more time together, just you and me?” Although I quickly realized that he was trying to manipulate me into letting him get out of bed so we could go play video games together, the question still rang loudly in my ears.

I have three kids. My son is 9, and my identical twin girls are 7. I work full-time in a ministry position that requires some travel that at times can be pretty dense and I have a book out with a major publisher. I’m learning to navigate the waters of job, travel, family, and book promotion as best as I can, but at times I’m certain I don’t find the right balance. Especially during these summer months when my kids are home all day every day and they realize that I’m not.

So, how do I make sure my wife and kids get the time they need and deserve?

My Dad was a pretty busy guy. He was a pastor, so he was always on call. He was a good shepherd of his congregation, and when someone needed something, he was there to help. And although I recall him being gone quite often from our home, I never felt left out or abandoned in any way whatsoever. So I’ve considered how he managed to balance his time.

If it was important to me, it was important to him.

I was involved in a lot of sports, and Dad attended everything he possibly could. He missed one every now and then, but he would be sure to find out all the details of what happened when it was over. And he rooted me on. He even coached many of the teams I played on over the years.

He invested time in helping me be better.

I remember Dad often dragging my brothers and me out of bed on Saturday mornings to haul us over to the ball field and hit a few grounders our way. Some days I would moan and groan about it, but looking back, it meant a lot for him to take the time to do that. It was only a few hours on a Saturday for him, but I still carry the memory.

At key moments, he showed me I was #1.

We attended church EVERY SINGLE TIME we had the chance (but we didn’t have much choice considering Dad was the pastor and all). But I can recall a few times when Dad let me skip church for a game or even a night out with friends. This may not sound like much now, but there was a different mindset when it came to church attendance back then. This simple act done only a handful of times over my younger years let me know that the church (ie, Dad’s employer) was not more important than me.

When he did wrong, he apologized (once).

There’s no doubt Dad made his fair share of mistakes, but the one that stands out the most isn’t because of the mistake, but because of the apology. We were an avid hunting family, and one year I received a permit to turkey hunt and Dad did not. He took me hunting and I got a turkey, but in his eagerness and desire to hunt, he also got a turkey. Thus, we ended up with two turkeys and only one was legal.

Later that afternoon he called me out on the porch and apologized for his actions, informing me that he had acted improperly in his excitement. I would have never thought twice of the incident, but that apology taught me a HUGE lesson. When we make mistakes (and we all will) be sure to right the wrongs. It also made me feel pretty important—DAD apologized to ME.

These are just a few things I’m trying to do with my kids. I fail regularly, but hopefully I can let them know over these few years that I have with them that they are truly important to me, and I value every second I have with them.

What are you doing to make sure your kids understand the same?