After my son’s first seizure, in the midst of fervent prayer, I heard God’s voice. He said Jake was, and I quote “ALREADY” healed. I had the audacity to believe God, particularly when He confirmed it only moments later. But here we are, 4 seizures and one 4-day-ICU-stay later, and my son’s sickness remains. So, the obvious question is, “Did God lie to me?”
This is the question I’ve had to ask myself. Deep down I couldn’t possibly believe this to be true, but the question remained, “Did God lie to me?” After my son’s first seizure on Thanksgiving day, 2011, I spent several days in prayer and fasting. In the midst of this, I was on my knees crying out to God, repeating over and over again, “Lord, heal him. Heal my son. Heal Jake. Please, Please, Please, heal him.” And in the midst of that request, I heard God’s voice say:
“I ALREADY HAVE.”
To be sure I had truly heard God’s voice, I asked Him to confirm His word to me. I got up and began to walk out of the chapel and as I took two steps out the doors, my phone buzzed. It was a text from my stepfather, quoting Psalm 103:3 about God healing our diseases, and telling me he, too, had heard from God about Jake’s healing. So, I BELIEVED GOD’S PROMISE that Jake was ALREADY HEALED. We did not pursue a doctor. We did not keep a close eye on him.
Seven months later Jake had a second seizure. And I started to question God, for obvious reasons. During this time, a verse came to our attention:
“God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?”
After several days I regained some peace about the situation, and began trusting in God’s Word of healing again. Then, seven months later, he had a third seizure. This time I was not as phased as the second seizure. We were trusting in God’s Word of healing over Jake. But this time they prescribed Jake some medicine to treat the seizures. They also wrote a prescription for something that would stop a seizure immediately if one were to last too long. But we never filled them. God had spoken, and we were simply believing—fully believing Jake would NEVER have another seizure, as we had with each instance.
Then, one month later, he had a fourth seizure, but this one was followed by a second one that would not stop. And we had not filled the prescription for the medicine that would have stopped it, because we were believing in Jake’s healing. This led to the story I shared last week, which you can read here, with my son in a pediatric intensive care unit on a respirator.
So, as we waited in ICU for my son to wake up, God and I had a few words. Well, I had a lot of words—God had a few words. The first night my wife heard from God in the middle of the night. She heard that this would be Jake’s testimony rather than ours. The second night was my turn. I spent several hours praying in the middle of the ICU unit, even kneeling on a chair in the open area, crying out to God on behalf of Jake. Reminding God of his promise to me about Jake’s healing. Wondering why God used the word “already” when He spoke to me. And trying to trust Him without questioning, but at that point, I couldn’t help but ask: “GOD, DID YOU LIE TO ME?????”
In the middle of that night, God spoke to me again and—as He always does—calmed my doubts. This time I heard Him say:
“SOMETIMES MY ‘ALREADY’ IS YOUR ‘NOT YET’.”
I balled like a baby, and apologized for doubting. Then my prayer changed. The Lord’s Prayer challenges us to pray “Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Clearly Jake’s healing was already spoken in heaven, so I prayed for it to be done on earth as it was in heaven.
Over the next few days, God continued to calm our fears. My son slowly returned to full cognitive function, and through this ordeal, several friends have found restored faith in their Creator. For this we are truly grateful.
So, did God lie? Of course not. I just didn’t understand Him properly. In our limited understanding, we can never fully comprehend God. The healing did not come as we had expected, but it IS COMING. And we’re trusting now, as always, that it’s already here. We believe Jake will not suffer from another seizure ever again. So if you’ve found yourself asking the same question, instead of doubting, try believing.
Believe in a God who does not lie. Believe in a God who has your best interests in mind. Believe in a God who can, and does, perform the miraculous. Believe in a God who LOVES you. Believe in a God who…
is not a man, the he should lie,
nor the son of man that he should change his mind.
He speaks, and then He acts.
He promises, and then He fulfills.
Believe in a God whose ‘already’ might be your ‘not yet’.Words Fail, But Prayer Does Not